devoted knits: Legacy

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My Beautiful Baby Boy

It has been a long while since I have written and a lot has happened since then. My little baby was born and he is the best gift God has EVER given me. He is two and a half almost three months old. He giggled for the first time the day before yesterday and it was the cutest thing, it just melted my heart. Of course when I caught it on camera he decided to stop. He has been developing so fast I never realized how fast things happen. Caleb rolled over at two and a half weeks old and currently holds his head up, rolls over, talks really loudly, murmurs I love you, and smiles. He loves when we stand him up, sit him up, and talk to him. I love putting him in his bouncer because he loves bouncing and talks a bunch. God has blessed us tremendously by putting Caleb into our lives, He has used him to cause tremendous change in our lives. Since having Caleb I have had a deeper desire to follow after God and watch what I say I want to be the best mom I can be for him. I am so thankful for God instilling such a strong trust in me to raise this baby in love and admonition of Him. The day Caleb was born was the most surreal and fantastic day of my life. Labor was long and intense but as soon as the nurse lifted him up above my tummy for me to see him I fell in love instantaneously. He was incredibly tiny and he smelled so warm and sweet. When the nurse laid him on my chest I could not stop staring at him. Caleb's face was puffy, his little lip was puckered out, his eyes were so bright and big, he stayed curled up, he was warm, and he was silently aware. He made tiny noises and after minutes started to cry the sweetest cry. His cry was the sweetest sound I have ever heard.

The Life Inside Me

So today I woke up took a pregnancy test and it was positive! Well that was a shock. Quinton and I have been trying for about a year now but we kept praying that God would allow it to happen in His timing and I guess he thought right now was perfect timing. I saw the 1st line appear and the 1st line never appeared every other time so I was freaking out. I ran downstairs to find my friend Mandy because I heard the t.v. on and she wasn't there so I knocked on her door. This was me, "Mandy! You got to come check this pregnancy test for me!" I thought my eyes were playing tricks on me. I thought it was funny because I have been a month late before and I wasn't pregnant and this time I was only like a week late. So far my tummy just feels a little weird and I am more hungry but those are the only symptoms I am having. As far as thoughts though I have a bizillion running through my head. What will we name the baby, what gender will it be, will I be a good mom, I hope my relationship with God grows stronger, I want to pray with the baby everyday, I wonder if it will be healthy, my parents are going to be grandparents (weird thought), my grandparents are going to be great grandparents (stranger thought), where are we going to be when we have the baby, how will delivery go, is this really happening, what do I need to eat, how big am I going to get, how will everyone react, I can't believe this is happening, will I be able to keep the sex a surprise until delivery, what symptoms will I have, how will Quinton react, I need to start saving more money, and I just am in awe of how many thoughts I can have at once. I was so excited it was so hard to hold it in until 1pm when I could tell Quinton but after that I was not able to keep quiet. The best reaction we got so far was from Quinton's mom. I can't wait to see what this adventure holds. I have already read tons of the book What to Expect When Expecting and I can't believe how much there is to do to take care of the baby inside me. EEKKK! I AM SO EXCITED!

It is funny how God puts people in you life to inspire you to do or not to do things. I think I may take up blogging and see how it turns out. I feel like God has been really working in me and I'd like to use this blog as a way to keep track of that growth. O.k. so this week has been a rough week we had found out my driving record had tons of offenses on it that I never committed so we've been paying extra for insurance since Quinton and I have been married, there have been a few disagreements between Quinton and I, I found out my scholarship funds may be getting pulled, and at one point we thought Quinton wouldn't be getting a reenlistment bonus that would have meant no wedding. Well let me say TO GOD BE THE GLORY. I have been growing so much closer to God these past few weeks and man does it feel AMAZING. For the first time in my life I really knew what it meant when people say to trust God and He will take care of things. I prayed to God that He would take care of it. I also said that I knew it wasn't Him causing these issues but Satan trying to attack me and I wasn't going to blame Him for it but praise Him for everything He has blessed us with so far. I learned in discipleship about the Holy Spirit being able to intercede in prayer for you when you don't have the words to say that in that time of turmoil when you can't speak the Holy Spirit knows what to say to God for you and it was funny because that same day I was able to apply it. I broke down in tears and just cried and cried and it was so comforting that God was able to hear my unspoken words. I have also been reading in Job and it is amazing to know that Job went through way more than I have ever gone through but yet in the midst of it all he still praised God. It touched me when God was talking to Satan after he had attacked Job and how highly God spoke of Job. He said he was perfect and to me that was so miraculous that just because Job was faithful to the Lord God praised him. It made me think of the day I stand before the Lord and how much I would love to hear my Lord say, "Well done my good and faithful servant, well done." I want to live life with no regrets and I never want to wish I would have done more. What I have been doing to hopefully accomplish this is I have been doing discipleship weekly and making every effort to make it to every church service. The hardest thing I have been doing is watching my tongue. For such a small part of the body the tongue can have such a detrimental effect. I have been making every effort to use my tongue to only speak good things. I have seen so many people hurt by words alone and I want to make every effort I can to not be that person. I have also signed up to volunteer at Habitat for Humanity and Big Brothers Big Sisters I just hope the Lord uses me. I would love to make volunteering my ministry since with Quinton being in the Air Force we really can't go to a different state or country. You know what though I have seen such a need for the gospel hear in Missouri and I just hope I can meet that need. Well I will update you again soon with what the Lord has done in my life.

October 1st, 2009

So thanks to my friend Tanya I have explored the world of blogging. Today made me realize a lot of things. One is how beautiful life really is. The other is how I have not written in the longest time. I use to write everyday and had such a deep passion for it and now I never make the time for it. Today was a hectic day I had some guy try to scam me online and so almost fell for it so I spent my day running around like a chicken with my head cut off trying to figure out what to do. I also had the chance to meet some new people it was wonderful! I have been having the most difficult time lately so it was nice just to forget everything for once. It was nice going to church tonight and just laughing for a little while as well. I don't know why but for some reason I am having a sleepless night I can't find it in me to want to go to sleep I have so many thoughts running through my mind. I have been so anxious lately just to hurry up and finish school because I really, really, really want to travel. There is so much out there and I want to explore it! I have never been out of the U.S. and it is driving me insane. I am about ready to go to bed because of course school is bright and early tomorrow but before I end this blog I am going to try to write something and post it at the bottom of this just to see if I am as rusty as I think I might be.



I woke up to a crisp cold breeze grazing against my cheeks. Breathing deeply I take it all in and feel like I never have before. The beauty of life is how you can see something everyday and still be caught by surprise by just how wonderful it really is. The sun is warm against my body but the light wind wraps itself around me and I feel chills run down my spine. Thoughts run through my head and I am excited to see what is in store for me today. As the days events start to unravel I feel like I am in a suspense novel. At the moment I feel anxiety, stress, and pure disappointment but as I step back from life's choke hold I realize that I can find the beauty in every situation because I am a strong woman. I take a walk outside my mind and engage myself in the nature of this world. As I do this I find myself feeling like a playful child. I find myself wanting to splash in the enticing little puddles of rain that decorate the plain concrete and find myself wondering why we hold ourselves back from experiencing life's little joys. My heart beats really loud inside my chest. I feel like there is a little drummer inside me beating away and I have no control. My ears ring with the sound and I wonder if anyone else can hear it. I'm afraid to let them hear my heart. Stop! Be quiet! This is what I am yelling to myself but my heart just isn't listening. The funny thing about a heart is you can't change it like your mind. No matter what you are thinking your heart knows the truth. There may be a feeling tearing you up inside and no matter what you tell yourself your heart can still feel it. You can still feel it. Although it may be difficult to endure I hope this heart of mine continues to beat to the sweet melody of life and that even through the difficult times I can remove myself from life's everyday obstacles and just listen. I can't wait for the day when I will experience such serenity that words will not be able to nearly describe what I am experiencing. There will be no need for words. There will just be pure happiness.